We don’t need to dwell on this, but I’m just gonna put it out there that the day of Santa’s reckoning is inching ever nearer and perhaps, PERHAPS, you might still need to buy gifts.
Or maybe you’re really organized and did all your shopping in September and now you get to sit back, relax, and watch Netflix while the rest of us scramble. If that’s the case, get lost.
If it’s not, we can totally help you. Here’s a short guide, and it’s mostly pictures, so you hardly have to employ the use of your brain! And because we know that everyone on your list fits within a clearly defined, somewhat stereotypical demographic, here are our suggestions (clockwise from the top left):
1. For the thirsty person on your list: Stay Classy. Our newest beer to hit the retail store is a Light India Session Ale, weighing in at a whopping 2.3% with tons of Nelson Sauvin hop aroma. Delicious, refreshing, and light enough that you can still clean house in a friendly game of Risk. Buy in bulk!
2. For the person who has everything: Gift Cards. This one’s easy and universally appealing. It says I-have-no-bloody-clue-what-it-is-you-even-like-even-though-we’ve-been-together-forever, so that you don’t have to. Do it!
3. For anyone on your list who isn’t a nudist: Sweatshirts. You’ve seen our awesome crewnecks, but we just added hoodies to the mix! Monogamy, Witchshark, Wizard Wolf designs in tons of sizes. Stuff it in a friggin’ stocking!
4. And finally, for the people you know who like to collect their cat’s hair and knit sweaters out of it: Cat Lady Poster. This beautiful poster communicates low to extreme levels of mental instability, and also doubles as art. Hang that thing on a wall!
Okay, alright, stop hyperventilating. Use these suggestions and you’ll look like a great girlfriend/boyfriend/mother/father/cousin/cat lover/etc.